Bye Instagram

And at last it happened! I deleted my instagram account πŸ™‚
The following day I receive an email from my German agent asking if all was ok, what happened and if maybe I changed name. All was and is ok.

There is a real world here and I was starting to miss it out. The thing is that the most beautiful things I do or see I never share online, also the best moments and the people I love the most I never share them either. I tried many times to keep my instagram “real” and not follow the trends to gain followers but I still realise I get in a mindset I don’t like. I can’t control it, I begin obsessing over getting new content, new publishing material, what if I don’t show that at the moment I haven’t been working? Will people label me as looser? What if I don’t show them how successful I am… what if I don’t show them how happy I am… What if what if what if. Lucky the one who is immune to it! I am certainly not.
In my profession having instagram today is crucial, yet I have agents who should guarantee me the work. We models forget that. It’s very easy today to get a girl with +10k followers to book jobs…. but can you get a girl booked if she has no followers? Where are those booker’s skills then? I dropped agents in the past when they started telling me unless I reach 10K they will not book me a job, well that goes against my philosophy.

Instagram has the ability to rewire your brain. Many bend their reality, change their bodies, have plastic surgery, choose the right friends, choose the right girlfriend… to be photogenic for instagram!!! Are we crazy? As if that intangible world is more important than our physical one. Instagram gives you the illusion of reality, because the thoughts and images you create in your head are the way you access emotions but the problem is that you are not connected to your body. Another problem is that the people you start interacting with that you have never actually met before create after a while an illusion of friendship and “knowingness”.

I am still here though. More alive and ok than ever. Funny how people immediately think one has problems if she gets off line, no?
One thing that I had been thinking about was … 15 years there wasn’t social media, how was I keeping inΒ  contact with friends? Well I wasn’t! Or rather, I had the phone number of those who interested me or email address but after a while unless I was physically seeing them we would lose touch and to each his/her own life. Today there is this crazy belief or myth we must keep in contact with everyone and see what everyone is doing. Well I thought: what if I stop keeping contacts through social media? What if I start looking around myself more? What if instead of looking at millions of photos I start travelling the world? …. There is a photo of every magical place on Earth, or so they make you believe, but aren’t you tired of looking at photos? Everywhere we live beauty is offered to us but we look for a prepackaged beauty, we look for someone to point out that that is beautiful. That is worthy of instagram. That is worthy of thousands of likes. You are worthy of thousands of likes… oh but if you’re not reaching that then you are certainly unworthy, uninteresting, etc.

Illusions…. when are you going to give up on them?


Body: Art of Illusion

Today I woke up and decided to write about something very important to me.
I’ve been seeing for a while my fellow model-girlfriends starting up a revolution about bodies and the idea of beauty that’s been ferociously put into women’s minds.
I never thought to come out talking about this because I simply love doing my job without having to explain anything. I don’t like talking about what I eat; if and how many times per week I train, what is my training; what is my size; how do I feel about my body etc. Why? Because I had chosen to put the focus on other things. I wanted my social media profile to be a portrayal of what I find beautiful, and a portrayal of my “inside” (for as much as it is possible – I think I did a good job).Β  However, it’s time I too speak publicly about the dictatorship on women’s bodies.

No need of photoshop. I am trained and I know how to pose, how to use my stomach and make it change form.
What do you notice? …. Can you guess my size? … Do you think I’m skinny or fat? ….

Answer this: Which photo would sell more panties? Which photo would make you wanna buy them? …. Answering this will make you understand why Victoria’s Secret sells a lot, hence not even thinking to include body-diversity on its runway.
However, if you did see these panties in a store (like I did) … you would buy them regardless of the ad. Why? Because they look beautiful in real life on their own, and I feel beautiful and sexy wearing them. And this is ecom marketing I’m indirectly talking about.

These selfies were taken 10 seconds apart.

A model’s job, to me, is about knowing to use your body in the most diverse ways and forms. It’s less about having a perfect body – but, what is a “perfect” body? Perfection in fashion is reached, most of the time, through intense sacrifice. When I lived in New York, I thought to be very close to becoming a Victoria’s Secret model… I told myself: If I eat less and train (“like an angel”) 2 hours every day I believe I can at least get to a casting for them. After one month I gave up though because along with the weight I was losing my mind and sanity. I begun reflecting on the price I would pay in order to get that ultimate dream job of all models. I also thought of how it would be such a big lie! I would lie saying how happy I am wearing wings and walking down the most exclusive runway; I would lie saying to be healthy when my mind would be trapped in an obsession loop… and I would not be a role-model for all the young girls who follow me. As a matter of fact I feel a certain responsibility being in the position that I am, which is a public one.Β 
It’s important to me to empower young girls to feel good about themselves and also to take care about their bodies and their beauty. It’s important that we as models move from being just brand-models to real-life-role-models. That means to be truthful about our bodies, about our weaknesses, about our ideas, about our fights, about us.

You must understand that fashion is one thing and reality is another.
Fashion is about image: it takes a team to put together one photoshoot. As a model you get prepared by the hair dressed, the make up artist, the manicurist, the stylist, then there is the photographer who has assistants doing the light and building up the set.
In reality I never do my hair, I hardly ever wear makeup, I dress up relaxed and comfy.

Ahaha me right now writing about this!! πŸ˜›

I can’t show you my daily life on social media, partly because I like my privacy and partly because I have better things to do than always be on instagram.
I spend my days writing and reading and studying, and I don’t have new material for you every single day!! πŸ™‚

I think it’s irresponsible and hypocrite to say fashion is not responsible for anorexia or bulimia in young girl. When I read of young girls age 10 (!!!!!!!) who stop eating because they want to look like models, or because they think they’re fat … I can’t but feel responsible for this because I am a model, I work in fashion, and I do sell a certain image. It’s irresponsible, not to say stupid and selfish, for brands not to think more widely about who will see their campaigns. Young girls are on instagram and watch adults and EMULATE adults! It’s not good to say “this is for women” but only portray one body type. Women are not one body type!
So modelling is a job, but it’s not a normal job and it carries a responsibility. Yes a model sells clothes. This is what she was born to do! Then it became the personification (“bodyfication”) of beauty. And that is where the problem began.

It’s easy to say “don’t believe what you see in photos”, but it’s not enough and it’s not efficient. This is me IN.EVERY.PICTURE. This is my body and I can make it look skinnier or curvier, stronger or softer… This is cool!

It’s a complex conversation to have because today we are made to believe that if you look skinny and fit you earn lots of money, as a model. It’s also a matter of feeling powerful to be able to sustain mentally such a lifestyle. And it’s hard to speak up in all honesty when what you earn is based on how you look and the image you portray. But it’s an illusion! No model really looks like how you see her on the cover!! And this is really the beautiful and fun part of being a model to me, the fact that I can change and transform and play…
Look at these photos I’m sharing in this post. I can trick you into believing anything. Instagram is a game. Fashion is a game. I’m a master of illusion, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be able to work in this field. But I want to show you the truth behind the illusion of what is told to be “the perfect body”.