What Santiago taught me…. #scatteredthoughts

Santiago… is not a man ๐Ÿ™‚ nor an infant ๐Ÿ™‚ It could my Eldorado.
Santiago was a destination. A goal. An objective.
Santiago is now a memory.
Santiago is my lesson.

I would say almost 4 years passed since that trip. Only now do I realise what it meant. Or perhaps, I knew even then but on a superficial level. I remember booking a ticket for Bilbao, with return 35 days later, and I left with a backpack. I thought I knew why I left but like it happens… there are reasons for which we do things which stay hidden behind the reasons we tell ourselves and to others. Then at the right moment they pop up.

There I was.
There I am.

I think that trip initiated a list of changes in me, supported by unnumbered situations. Some people, I’ve seen change radically right after the camino. Many don’t change at all, but tell themselves stories about being a changed person. I’ve heard and even met people who never left the camino – are in an endless loop of walking even after 10 years. To me it was complicated to change radically, I wasn’t ready. I probably needed to get slapped by life until I could stand up for myself and say no more. I kept chasing goals, chasing Santiago after Santiago. I kept a well polished and shiny suit to show the world ๐Ÿ™‚ The woman I saw I was during that trip, or at least a glimpse of it, I thought was too hard to become… especially from the place I was back then. There really isn’t a map that takes us from here to “ourselves”, is there? There aren’t guidelines. Despite everybody becoming gurus of self loves, self respect, self whatever… there really is no manual! There are no instructions! You can take all the fucking self care baths and eat all the self love chocolate cake you want…. and still if you’re not ready YOU’RE NOT READY! You can say I’m done dating assholes but until life says so you will keep dating those assholes! Sometimes enough comes quick, other times it takes years and years and more errors and more forgiveness and more rerouting. You still need those fake friendships until you’re left alone when you need them for real. You need more empty promises until you start keeping the promises you make to yourself.

Today I asked a friend “what do you want really?”
He looked at me, “I don’t know. I came here for a reason that doesn’t make sense anymore now.”

I was walking around the city. Looking at people. And planning my future. Is Santiago worth it when we lose our health, happiness, and most importantly precious time? I look around and people chase endlessly something believing they will be happy when they get it.
Oh but my life.
My life is now. As I write.
A week. A month. Six months of life…. running, being frustrated, angry. For what?
Is it worth it? Is your dreams worth the price? I asked myself.

…. Is it even my dream? Was I chasing my Santiago or someone else? Because when I chased my Santiago… I felt different. I was truly enjoying every single moment. So much I didn’t care about Santiago at all… I enjoyed the route deeply, passionately. When reached Santiago I kept going… I went further, because after it there is Muxia and also Finisterre. And there the beer tasted sublime watching the sunset or having a 1 minute bath in the ocean! ….

What am I chasing today? Did I come for the right reasons to London?
No.
But I am surely leaving for the good ones.

I wish you to find your Santiago.
Love
T.

 

Needs and Fears… Thoughts on Social Media

First post of 2019! And I thought to write about social media as it is something I’m constantly thinking of. Moreover, last night I watched two documentaries of Netflix:
Follow Meย  starring Asri Bendacha
The American Meme starring Paris Hilton, Josh Ostrovsky, Brittany Furlan
The reason why I watched these documentaries is because I’m trying to understand why do tools such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter became beyond important in our lives… they’re fundamental. Professionals always tend to reply “Oh but I do it for work“. I also say “I’m on it just for work” but I do know that my work is not really dependent on Instagram because even when I wasn’t on it I was still working (friends know I get to a point every 6 months circa when I just delete my account and go off). In Follow Me what I found interesting is the fact that is very much centred on the Arabic countries and culture, many of the influencers are Arab women and to them it’s important to show the world who is an Arab woman: she is independent, beautiful, witty etc. They want to break the idea we have of Arab women – only to create a new one, which again is not even that real either I believe. It’s only a tiny part of the truth because it’s just one person’s truth, and of that one person’s truth only the best and presentable has been selected to show the world.

Is it for work we do it really? Or is work the excuse to be on it and share infinite photos of ourselves? Humans are experts at finding excuses for something they don’t want to admit because they judge it negatively. After watching these two documentaries I laid in my bed thinking…. what are we hiding? What is the need that drives us? What is the fear that rides the horse? Because we can have a million reasons and a million different needs and fears BUT I believe there is one common denominator in this equation.
Who are you without your 500k followers and without your Instagram profile?

I think Instagram feeds with emptiness our need of being loved; it illudes with holograms of thousands of people our fear of being alone.ย Let me explain better….
Everyone has a need of being loved, some more than others and for some it’s a need they can barely cope with. The needs we have as adults are created during our childhood, as we know children have many needs and parents should do their best to cover all of them… however, at some point somewhere they f**k up. A child who growing up didn’t feel loved will become an adult that will do anything to have that need covered. There is no problem in that but if the adult is not aware then yes there’s a problem because his/her actions will be driven by that need (fyi – animals are driven by needs…..). Perhaps these parents loved their child but they expressed it in the wrong way or haven’t expressed it at all, so this creates a void. In time many also develop a fear of being alone with themselves because it’s in those moments that they feel that void and don’t know what to do with it. What I could observe both in these documentaries and in people I know who are obsessed with social media is that by growing your followers you think you are getting that love you didn’t have when you were a child, as if 1 million strangers could fill in the love that your mom didn’t give you. AS IF. And your fear of being alone is rewarded by you being alone in reality because you interact with other minds in a sort of imaginary realm, you don’t interact with people. It’s holograms interacting with holograms and it’s “safer” since we don’t risk being hurt…. we don’t risk discovering that this person doesn’t really like us by looking into their eyes. With social media if one person stops liking you, or loving you, well there are 5 others who will….

What I’m trying to say is that it’s just a mind game. It’s really just mental interaction. We know that our mind creates the reality but here we are not even creating a “real reality”… we are creating a virtual reality in which we hide. We are creating a huge separation. There are several mental illnesses where the person can’t tell what is real and what is not and I fear we are entering in that stage… the scariest thing is that children are already entering that stage! Children who start using Instagram stop observing the world around them!
I think what it also does is that this “love” (gosh I hate using such a high word in such a wrong way) you think you receive by strangers you will keep on getting it only if you keep on giving these people what they want (and need? ultimately). Silly no? Especially if we think we all crave for unconditional love, yet we keep going the opposite direction.

… I think what scares me is the ability social media has to control one’s mind; how humans are prone to addictions and if it’s not drugs then it’s the likes or the message ringtone. It preoccupies me how today we “meet” more people online who live on the other side of the world rather than deepen relationships we have here next to us. … I don’t have an answer, because if on one side I like Instagram, I love photos and I like sharing them … on the other side at times the demands Instagram has makes me anxious. One to be successful online must fully commit to be living online. A commitment I certainly did not make (and my number of followers is the proof). The only commitment I made is to be myself even online, which doesn’t mean I put all of me out there… and more and more often I wish I didn’t put even that little of me out there for everyone to see, and judge and think about.
I wonder now that I’m writing about this if I too have an addiction. I did check my Instagram like a dozen times and chatted with friends on it, shared a photo and planning to share more… as I was writing this post. Is it addiction? Perhaps the only way to find out is to get offline for some time and see the effects this has on you.
How does it feel to just do something and not share it? Not showing, not telling. Just being immersed in the doing. I heard a saying time ago that said “if you didn’t post it it didn’t happen”, wow! Are we already there? I mean, you go workout at the gym and you post a photo of you lifting weights… why? What for? I did it too but why? Was it for me? Was it for… who? A girlfriend of mine once told me that she uses Instagram for herself, her feed is a photo album of memories that sometimes she scrolls during low times just to be reminded of the places she’s been and things she’s done. Mmmm just to be reminded that a low moment is but a tide? And is that helping in any way to lift up? … At last, why can’t we just live the low tide fully in our solitude? …

Just a bit of thoughts… Have a lovely day all ๐Ÿ™‚

The Beginning of Plastic X Coffee

Where to begin if not with a WOW ๐Ÿ˜€
I am still amazed and lack words to describe this past week. It’s been beautiful and powerful and it made me realise how something apparently so small has a big impact and big echo. As a matter of fact, we got National TV coverage!!!! Which helped spread the word about the importance of keeping clean our marine world, this campaign is just one example of many projects around the world.

Plastic X Coffee is a community project with a potential to become world spread. I’ve got flooded with messages and texts of people living in the area of the Natural Reserve of Torre Guaceto telling me they always collect plastic during their walks. Also, people from other sides of the world told me they do clean up always and would love to find ways to raise awareness among other members of the community.

A sense of community is what is needed nowadays. We must understand how important is the space where we live: many communities taking care of their peace of land succeed in having a whole world clean and happy.
I have always dreamt to save the world and I have always wanted to come up with an idea for the entire world. Now I know, that in order to change the world we all must start cleaning our homes. For me Torre Guaceto is home โคย  And if you also do something in your home, for your area; if each one of us takes this responsibility back, then the world will change! I guarantee the world will be saved! The Natives knew this… Each Native Tribe took care of its forests, waters, lands, animals, people… and the whole world was a healthy place!

No matter what some people say, change is possible and begins here (where you are) and now!

Gratitude is such a powerful energy. Now I know. Plastic X Coffee is about that. Is a Thank You for helping everyone keep our/your local area clean. And everyone can do what he/she can. What I mean is: you can be the person collecting a bag of plastic and getting the coffee, or you can be the one buying the coffees without necessarily collecting the plastic (because we are all different, and you might just wanna relax on the beach and tan… still you feel grateful to those who keep that beach clean), or you can be both. Everyone is needed, everyone is necessary. I say this because some may feel obliged to spend money or collecting, though the best for everyone is that you do what comes from your heart โค On Sunday morning, when I got to the bar of the Reserve a coffee producer, Antonio Doria (Caffรจ Borbone), gifted 1kg of coffee (that makes 130 coffees!!!) because he believes in the campaign and is very sensitive to the ecological issues of the Natural Reserve. Later came my brother Francesco and bought 20 more coffees!! I know he is not the kind who will go collect plastic on purpose, but he is the guy who won’t leave his trash behind and will collect something nearby if he sees it. That is more than enough ๐Ÿ™‚