The Fae

They still are there where we never go, they are what we don’t want to see. For our eyes have been polluted and the spirit been weighed down: how can you ever scorch another realm?

You let your mind put a leash to your heart, and convince yourself you’re safe, in control and smart. You believe you know the world when you barely know the name of your neighbour, the dreams of your children, the colors making up a rainbow…. a dull world you’ve painted with your mind. But I have hope! For one day I know the heart will rebel and show the mind a greater way


On Dreams and Ephemeral Desires

Dream or Desire/Wish?

Ever wondered what is YOUR comfort zone?

Lately I have entered a sort of meditative closure, torn between dreams, wishes, desires… I can’t seem to make a difference between them nor put them into an order.
As it happens in these cases, I began stumbling upon so many motivational quotes such as: believe in your dreams, exit your comfort zone to go get them, risk everything to make your dream happen, and chase your dreams. This last one specifically makes me think of a sort of incitation to follow mirages… because some dreams are mirages.
The mirages are our desires (desideri) or wishes.
Today is really difficult to distinguish between what we dream and what we desire. A dream is something deep. A desire is something ephemeral, something you do for your personal ego… something that is stimulated from the outside and other people. A dream is something that stays with you and guides you… a constant that doesn’t change.

I had to stop, look at my life and my projects and ask myself: what I embarked on doing is my dream or just a satisfaction of my ego?
It’s not an easy question to answer, we can dress our desires with the dreamiest and most beautiful dresses and masks, set up a bucket of expectations, pump up our vision till gold is all we see, and never look inward. It works for the majority, it may work for you (me) too.  ….  ….. …… …….. Or not?

It’s all so alluring and romantic. Get your sward out and go fight for your dreams!!

Yet something seemingly so simple as knowing your dreams all of a sudden became a complicated exercise of self-knowledge. I even tried to go back to when I was a child, what did I dream of doing back then? Yet I discovered that what I envisioned as a grownup was doing something that I was missing during my childhood. When I understood that and made peace with that part of me, even that “dream” left my soul… my heart… my mind. Maybe. I say maybe because I feel the core of that dream stayed with me, but it doesn’t have the same form.
Then, analysing all that I have on my plate, the projects I wrote… for as perfect as they look and sound, they lacked ME, my heart, my soul, my complexity, my imperfection, my confusion, my everything. And at last I realised I moulded my initial dreams with society’s ideas and expectations, with people seeing in me something I had no interest in becoming (you know when they tell you you have the potential to be… an actress, a tv presenter, a director, a producer, a whatever shiny thing… because you are beautiful). I wondered for a long time if perhaps I dream too small, when everyone dreams big; if there is something not right if my dreams don’t scare me, after all it is written everywhere that if they don’t scare you they are not big enough (so here we go with the dream competition). As if all dreams were created equal, with the same shape and size and outcome.

Read it well…. because we know the Great Nureyev today, but I recommend to read his biography (brilliant book!) for it shows clearly how his dream was dancing: not stage! not public! not the applause! not fame! not wealth! …. all that came along after and was not the initial pursuit. This is what it means to follow your dream: something that you do despite of the result, the outcome, the reaction you get from people… you do it even if the world will ignore it! Even if you don’t get called Artist by the most renowned artistic press! Even if your book won’t be published by the biggest publisher nor reviewed by the New York Times! Even if you will never make a Vogue cover! Even if you won’t sell your invention to the tech gurus in Silicon Valley! You might never make a living just out of your dream, and yet still pursuing your dream in your private & personal life will give you meaning and fuel your days. Sometimes, our dreams are not made to be shared; or to reach the stars of fame.

I am taking the time to abandon all that is not a pure dream of mine. It’s not easy because with it resurfaces shame, fear of failure, a sense of loss (and what am I to do now?). Many questions regarding who I am too. What I have idealised about myself, my desires, my dreams, my life…. all this is now standing in front of me like a beautiful illusion. Which I now know is a fine Art on its own.
What is left with this peeling off the old skin?
What is left when I find the courage to let go of all and stay in the void until images from the depth start rising up to my eyes to find a way out?
My truth bare of ego.
There lives Freedom. The beautiful companion of our Soul. And feared enemy of the Mind.

When I admitted to my man the internal crisis I was undergoing, he told me something I had not thought about: Keep your idea and just change the form. And so I am wondering now if dreams don’t come to us with a predefined form like a specific job, but rather like a feeling, an explosion of images… and we are here to try and try and search a way to turn them into reality.
This is Life.
Perhaps the drama and crisis come along with being too attached to the idea of the form of our dreams… but if they live in that space where freedom resides, how can we trap them into a box?
Finding myself here reflecting upon this, shows I have never taken the time to think. Oh we don’t take our dreams seriously, do we? Nobody takes the time sit down internally, put on pause, get a broom and start cleaning and decluttering your mind and your soul. It takes time if done properly, just like we start cleaning our room and find long lost memories and diaries and photos and we stop to savour those thoughts coming back to us knowing we perceive all that from the point of view of someone different and more mature. We might pause for a whole hour on one photo, imagine the months in soul-time that we stop over one small memory or episode that calls for our analyses. Maybe years?
Can you allow yourself that time? and yet if you don’t you risk keep going in loops, fall into periods of depression, constant dissatisfaction, an eternity chasing mirages.
Our society today is designed to make us dream of our dreams, but demands servitude to the dreams of very few. We are so worried about finding a job to pay all our bills that we forget (or are simply too exhausted) to take care of our own. The antidote? First of all embark on a quest! Which is an inner one, so you can keep going with your everyday tasks. When your treasure is found, embark on another quest… which is the fine line between inner and outer: how to express your dream?
Start there. Start from what you feel. Start from you.


It’s Time

It’s time.
Like the snake changing its molting,
We too must free ourselves of that we have outgrown today.
Maybe it’s time to change mask.
To change role.
To change attitude.
To change home.
To change country.
To change job.
To change the way we see ourselves.
To change the words which we use to describe ourselves.
To be.
It’s time.

– Tanya Gervasi

(Photo edit @WTFOG on instagram – Original photo Adolfo Valente)


War and The Human Nature

Yesterday I finished reading this book, it’s the second book I read about the life of a Native Indian tribe – the first one was about the Hopi. This specific book is the story of the life of Pretty-Shield, which is intertwined with the story of her tribe when they were free and the bisons lived.

Without having read any book about the Native Indians, you will agree with me that we generally look at them as wise, peaceful, etc. they remind us of a time when everything worked, when nature was flourishing, when peace was reigning on Earth. Ahem really?
In this book, Pretty-Shield speaks of the numerous wars they lived between the tribes. They were ALWAYS at war, especially with the Lakota. Men wanted war: they would go steal horses from the Lakota, or the Lakota would come for food in the Crow land, or just for revenge… and you know revenge is a never ending thing – until the last man dies. It was actually a thing of pride to be killed in battle.
This made me think especially of the upcoming war we are observing today between the US and the Middle East. I said to myself “so really it’s part of the human nature, there cannot be a world without war” ….
My friend Michela agreed  “yes the essence of life is death and destruction”.

I believe the Old Sages knew this and accepted this thing… to the point of living lightly. And laughed.
“We are always at war. War is an illusion… every war outside is an archetype of what we have inside… “ – Michela – “War is contrast, CONFLICTO… envy, jealousy, falseness, hoax, lie”.

And so yes we are always at war, be it:
small or big
visible or invisible
openly declared or secret

I see people are very sad about what is happening far away from them, some feel guilty for having a good life when others don’t, many are angry, a lot are depressed. Yet we should give thanks for the life we are living today. Accept that the world has different realities. People have different realities.
I’m not saying to be indifferent and not caring, for Balance on Earth lays in that tension between war and peace, good and bad. Perhaps something useful could be to ask yourself where is the war in your life? Can you bring peace there? How can we bring peace to a conflict such as US and Middle East if we still strive to live a peaceful life in our day to day reality? ….

What I observe changed from the times when the Native Indians ruled the American grasslands is the awareness and the knowledge of the human nature. Humans and spirits also worked together and that helped maintain balance. There were rituals for everything. People knew when to feast and when to mourn. People could read the signs and rarely went out of the track. …. at last there was little space for caos.

Of course today is different, we don’t live in tribes anymore… or do we?

We have a limited time. We don’t even know how much is that. Make the most and best of it. Be the happiest you can be (and again, not saying you need to become the selfish asshole – hope it’s clear), be the best YOU you can be. Don’t try save the world, for the world will be saved when each one of us has saved him/herself.


All Those New Year Resolutions…

What is happening in the world?
What is happening in you? …
We are so used to looking outward, at the fires in Australia (like the latest news put it) for example.
And what about our fires?

I admit I refused reading the news, yet the info that got stuck in my head is that half a billion animals died in the fires since September 2019. Correct?
I decided to do a little fun exercise and reverse everything that is seen as destructive outside as something positive.
A little what if.

What if the fire is there to clean and purify?
Oh can you count the number of fires we had last year? 2019 The dramatic year of fires? The Amazon… California… Siberia… Africa (which didn’t get any news coverage, wonder why? Please ask yourself why)… Australia…
Fire has a double nature: it destroys yes, but it also purifies. It cleans. So that new can be born from its ashes. It makes the land fertile again. It takes away the unnecessary, or the too much. Or it simply takes away what is, so that the new can have space to flourish.
We tend to fight everything. We are at constant war with nature. The Ancients knew and accepted what is. Our response to fires is desperation, we simply lack the ability to see a possible advantage.

What if Mother Earth is undergoing an inner revolution, a deep change and need comfort which is given by warmth which is given by fire.
What if new animals we cannot imagine are about to be birthed, but Earth is over populated for more evolved species to walk its lands.

What if…

We humans tend to forget we have a double nature, like everything. Now we tend to focus on the destructive and stupid side of us. Well, but just like the fire we have a positive nature and I wish for all of you to remember it.
The beginning of the New Year calls for resolutions and new projects. Are we ready? Have we cleaned the unnecessary? Have we purified the space within us from the weeds for new flowers or trees to grow?
Or have we kept fighting when surrender was the only way to a possible future?
Rain… the tears of surrender will come at the right moment, when we are ready. Are you?

That what happens outside happens inside. That what happens inside we see it happening outside: in the world.

What if… 

New year resolutions were about becoming more ourselves; having the courage to see through our bullshit; having the strength to live life fully and about committing at making changes in our life first! Before going out to preach the world about how to live how to recycle how to speak how to act how to dress how to love how to talk how to walk etc…. 

Welcome 2020!


Italian Shamanism: The Healing & The Treatments

The following article has been written by my friend Michela Chiarelli regarding the Traditional Healing Techniques used in the Italian Shamanism (about which still very little is known let alone written!). But before I let you go on reading I felt a need to ask a few things about the role of the Priestess.

What is a Priesthood?

MC: It is a service to others and hardly anyone in the world today puts themselves in the position of being able to help others and not themselves.

One is born with these characteristics, I entrust few people with a grant and I would entrust even less people with a priesthood. Simply because, and I’m sure you agree with me, modern people are very focuse on themselves.

A Priestess is one who must possess the keys between the two worlds, be able to open the doors, recognize signs and omens, and not just make of some roles a source of pride.

Today there are no Priestesses who serve the people and the Divine…

Today there are no Priestesses who keep the fire burning.

Today is a job…

What did the world with the loss of Priestesses?

MC: The good magic, the brotherhood, the collective defense, the balance between light and shadow…

In everyday practices, in everyday life…

There is no more Balance.

Ancient Dynamic Techniques Of Healing 

The significant difference is that in the Italian Ethno-Cultural tradition, the healing and the treatments are distinguishable from one another based on a complete and unique technique in the world, which studies the individual in all his aspects by participating with its ancient arts in every healing process.
The Rituals are the choreography that makes the Dance of Life so extraordinary… they are defined Dynamic Arts, in a mystic and material vision, because the recipient must actively participate.

The Ritual of Shamanic Healing

The ritual is the choreography that makes the Dance of Life extraordinary… in the Italian Shamanism the treatments are mostly manual techniques, or of sound and singing. The healings are true shamanic rituals to which one gets initiated since a very young age… beware of imitations.

They are usually interconnected: after a healing ritual, which is the revelatory part, comes the shamanic treatment which is the practical part. These two steps sometimes are interdependent and sometimes not.

Many times, during my experience, I’ve been asked how an Italian Shamanic Healing ritual takes place in practice.
The practice itself is personal and private! I can proudly say that every student of mine develops his/her gifts and abilities, and becomes a unique therapist.

Surely in an article I won’t be able to spread how an Italian Shaman’s works in reality, nor how the rituals are performed.

The Place is Nature

Above everything, it’s important to choose the place where to perform the ritual. Each Shaman Priestess chooses the appropriate territory. A place where the elements can be perceived in their fullness. The powers of nature make our Being vibrate strongly, through the contact with the Mother of all things our body vibrates and our mind is refined. Perceptions touch every creature and everything can be transformed. The cold wind of winter, or the warm wind of summer, the lashing of the rain or the scent of the grass, the sound of the waves and under your feet, the heat of the sand: all this gives power to the body, heart and spirit.
The place is chosen according to the possibilities of the recipient, the purpose of the ritual and to the most intimate intent of the Shaman Priestess. It is our very nature that merges with the solution before beginning to operate, only in this way it is allowed to Divine, See, Feel and Reconnect to wellness.
Communion must be created with the place where you are. The Shaman Priestess undresses of her Human being, remembers her creative power, experiences the Sacred of the Moon in herself, then sits on a stone, on the bare earth, on the sand, in her home, in front of the fireplace, a burning candle or a fire, and starts singing.
Gently first and intensely then she begins to clap her hands on her drum, or to slide the strings on her harp, making the void inside herself, leaving the rest of the world outside, and opening her soul to infinity, she begins to ask indications and fuses with the messages from the cosmo opening herself to Divination.
Inside herself she Travels, Sees, Discovers, Thanks, Cries, Loves, Heals, Solves, but it is FUNDAMENTAL TO MOVE IN NATURE FOR THE BODY IS OUR GREATEST TOOL.
She melts herself with the Creative Mother of everything. The Shaman Priestess becomes part of the Whole. To draw lessons from the wonderful world that hosts us, she collects wood, herbs, stones and feathers, then through the Divination of what her mind sees, she captures every aspect and every meaning hidden in her Loot. She asks for support to the flight of the birds, to the falling leaves, to the meeting with some animals, for a Moon Woman everything collaborates in the great Mystery of the Shamanic Rite.
The sacred place par excellence is our heart, our mind, our Room of projections, there where we can create change.

The Call of the Spirits

If you listen you will hear the voice of the wind whispering the truth you are looking for.
After practicing Divination, when the Ancestral Correspondences are favourable, we proceed to the next step of the ritual which is the calling of the Spirits of the Four Directions. The traditional names change, but basically they are the ones we all know: North, South, East, West. The calling technique, we’ll see later, varies itself from Memory to Tradition. The call itself is a declaration of intent, in which the reason for our action is manifested and a deep connection is invoked with with the world around us and with the Spirits that represent it, both as elemental forces and as elements themselves. Dancing, walking, swimming or simply lying on the ground our spirit flies and calls the closest Spirits!


Purification opens the mind to the song of the Infinite.
After the call of the Spirits it comes the time to Purify oneself, lighting the incense or herbs and letting them burn in the brazier.
Fumigation brings our being to a very high state of peace and purity, and for this reason it is a fundamental phase of the Rite to be practiced. With the Censer or the Brazier in hand, continuing from North to West, we pay homage to the elements, purify the place and create a circle of protection. This serves to regenerate, the energies of the places, to hunt away the evil spirits and to protect those who participate in the Rite, both the Priestess and any other participants.

The Dance of Animals

In movement in similarity we acquire divine characteristics.
In the complete fusion with the place that hosts us, after the Divination and a purification of our Being, we procede with the works that can open our awareness to the perception of the Divine that surrounds us. So we procede with the dance of the animals which is a set of rhythmic movements that induce a fusion of the Shaman Priestess with an animal. The aim is to obtain a deep connection with the place and with some Spiritual characteristics of the animal itself that can stimulate the Shaman’s perception by making her faculties more acute.
It is not a dangerous possession, neither a total possession, since the Shaman Priestess spontaneously opens the doors of her mind to the animal of power and maintains her clear conscience towards what she does.
It is very important and at the same time very difficult, since it is only a matter of initially imitating the animals, but then the door of oneself must be opened to the spiritual essence of the animal itself: the knowing essence of the secrets of the animals, full of instinct and divine vibration.
The interaction between Woman-Shaman and Spirit-Animal through the imitation of the animal’s physical movements is truly an important and magical experience. Feeling the spirit of the animal inside is a strong experience, a powerful energy exchange that only a Shaman Priestess is able to face; it is a very profound way of interacting with the animals, having relationship with them. This technique allows us to vibrate in synch with latent, or denied, instincts. It is a technique that strengthens the spirit and the mind, allows us to merge with the free and wild being, which can bring us back to the dawn of out lineage, where everything has started and where nothing can be separated in the sufferance and detachment.

The Shamanic Journey

To truly seek yourself, stand up and walk…
The shamanic journey is the first test that an apprentice must undergo on his/her journey in the body of Mother Earth. There are numerous works that offer guided visualisations for this purpose, each shaman has his/her own, handed down from master to student, received in a dream etc.
The shamanic journey is not, in fact, a simple technique, the body is conducted beyond its limits and resistances, but without the use of any type of psychotropic substance.
The true shamanic journey, experienced by me, does not happen in the mind. It is not a visualisation. It is done in Nature, in close contact with the elemental forces in the Belly of Mother Earth.
The body of the shaman is put to the hard test of initiation: loneliness, abandonment, fasting, cold, hunting, fighting, night defence, freezing baths. To obtain a prophecy we undergo heat sessions such as the ancient Pythonesses  of the Temple of Apollo, in Greece, on the Delphic tripod. All this stimulates vision, clairvoyance and foresight, gifts of the mind and purification of the body, and does not necessarily and absolutely imply taking drugs. Indeed, precisely the absence of drugs, allows the Shaman Priestess herself to find and maintain control of the vision, to consciously interact in the world of Spirits and create a reflection in the world of Forms.

The Worlds

Everything that surrounds us is part of our Being, nature responds to what we are internally…

Inferior World THE CAVE: this is where the allied animal spirits meet. The Shamanic practice is purely personal. Shamans never talk about their allies in the spirit world, and not only because it weakens their power. The best thing would be to ask the animals or Spirit guides themselves if they want their presence to be revealed or not.
When the Shaman Priestess begins her descent into the lower world, she must physically head into caves, tunnels, ice caves, deserts, mountains, forests. Who practices shamanism, must know not only what lives in the world of ideas, in the mental world, but also and above all, what is found in the inner world. Below us, in our womb, lies the dark world linked to strong emotions and feelings. When you descend into the dark, passing through several tunnels, you also travel the path towards the unconscious, toward the unexplored parts of the personality. It is an important and necessary step, to learn to recognise sensations, to know how to discern non-ordinary reality from mental dream.

Middle World WATER: after the two physical worlds the body and mind of the Shaman Priestess open to the vision of the middle world. The middle world is a world very similar to ours, in which the Spirits of all those who live there meet. It is a fantastic way to communicate with plants, elemental beings, objects, people who live far away and above all to communicate with Nature.
This world allows you to meet the Mood, to explore her, to talk to her and to ask her to teach us to better understand our own cycles, our tides etc. It belongs to our terrestrial time, contrary to the other two. To find access, you have to go down to the lower world and ask the spirit-animals to accompany on the journey upwards. It is a complex world because inhabited by a crowd of lost spirits and souls, who perhaps do not even know why they died. It is never recommended to get in touch with them. Only an experienced psychopump, who guides the souls of the dead in the underworld, can interact and help. The realm of the dead is a dangerous realm for us, and if you are not a trained psychopump or you are inexperienced, you would drag with you into our world some wandering souls, souls who would generate great material difficulties and serious health problems. On the other hand it is very easy and interesting to find fairy beings fairies, elves and other elemental beings.

The Upper World THE HIGH MOUNTAIN: so beautiful that it takes your breath away… even just for a walk. The upper world is the world from which our souls originate, this contact can lead to getting lost forever because the world of high vibrations is full welcoming entities and often you may not want to return to human frequencies. Then when the Shaman Priestess will go to the Upper World, she will be so prepared for the management of her emotions, she will already have experiences on which to base herself. In the midst of the stars, among the clouds and the Gods, joy can be given to the heart. In this case, you go up to the high mountains and sleep outdoor near the stars.

Italian Medicine Wheel

Surround me with Light and Love and bring me where truth reigns… teach me to know the body.
Every way has been run across the children of Mother Earth, around and inside her maternal baby bump, here we have known the first circle, Container and Mystery Egg of Life, Regeneration and Rebirth. For Italian culture, the Medicine Wheel is the sacred place where we operate, it is not physically traced in predefined places, but travels with us, in our mind, in our heart and we take it everywhere to bless Mother Earth, our actions and our Sacred Rituals with immense Joy.
The Sacred circle where the following live: the North, the South, the East, the West.

THE NORTH EARTH: it brings the cold winds of winter, which purify the earth with their intensity and oblige everyone to spend part of their time doing nothing but warming up, lying down and renewing themselves.

THE EAST AIR: sends the warm winds of spring that dry out, torment and force you to open up to the illumination and wisdom, which are the gifts proper to this season.

THE SOUTH FIRE: brings the hot summer winds that open us up completely to growth, maturation, warmth and future fruits.

THE WEST WATER: it brings along the cold autumn breeze which invite us to gently return inside of ourselves, at the same time find additional resources, our inner strengths and weaknesses.

Michela Chiarelli 





Storytelling Indian manhood by Harpal Mahal

    Winter was slowly setting its feet in Punjab, a state of the rich in the north western region of India. Winter means the season of weddings in Northern India. And that’s where I was too, with my family in the city of Ludhiana, Punjab . While we lived far away in Mumbai, my sister’s wedding was to happen in Ludhiana and we were staying at my Aunt’s in her mammoth 8 bedroom bungalow. 

It was my second day there and my older cousin Sandeep Singh and I had plans to go for a walk in one of the parks in the neighbourhood. 

Although belonging to a Sikh family, Sandeep , like me and many other modern Sikh boys, had chosen against keeping the hair long and wearing a turban. 

After shaving his face, Sandeep wanted to have a glass of milk before we headed out. He walked in the kitchen on the first floor of his bungalow. 

Seconds later, without a warning, I heard a deafening sound of a hard slap coming from the kitchen. Moments later, Sandeep came out of the kitchen whistling and smiling, asking me if I was ready to leave for the park. When my bhabhi (Punjabi for a brother’s wife) appeared from the kitchen, she seemed ashamed to make eye contact with me as she hurriedly walked into the other room. I had, however, managed to catch a glimpse of the trail of tears on her red cheek. 

Sitting next to Sandeep in his car, we drove through the markets of the bustling city of Ludhiana as the sun was slowly setting somewhere behind the jaded concrete buildings. As the aromas of various street foods entered our car through the rolled down windows, I was trying very hard to construct a question in my head that I was going to ask my cousin Sandeep that wouldn’t offend him.

Here was a man my siblings and I had adored growing up. He had an amazing sense of humour and he always had shown great warmth towards us all whenever we visited him. We would tease him, crack the meanest of jokes on him and he would always respond with a laugh. What a great sport he was!  

So why did this kind, funny man, hit his wife? 

‘Paaji, ( Punjabi for elder brother) what did bhabhi do that you had to slap her ?’

He made a sharp turn abusing a passerby who was blocking his way in chaste Punjabi. Then he looked at me with a smirk. 

 ‘The milk wasn’t as hot as I wanted’

‘What, that’s it?’

He had stopped smiling. I could see another man slowly taking his place in his big protruding eyes.

‘A husband should hit his wife whenever he sees an opportunity. What I did today is called a maintenance slap. Just to keep her in check. If you be too nice to them for too long, they wouldn’t let you breathe man!’

This was 16 years ago, I was about 20 years old then and I still remember not being able to completely process the good intentioned advice from my cousin, who must have been around the age of 30 then. 

In coming days, he had asked me to accompany him to his work. 

Soon, I found out that work meant hanging out with various guy friends talking about one topic the whole day- Sex! He had bought quite a few shops from his inherited money which made him good money through rents. It meant he could afford not working and could just loaf around with his other rich brat friends the whole day. 

Then I asked him a question. It was actually more of small talk than a serious question. But the answer he gave me still lingers inside me somewhere.

‘So Paji , when are you going to really start working ? This all must get boring after a point, no? What are your plans for work?’ 

I was sitting pillion on his scooter. The muffler wrapped around his neck was constantly brushing my face as he rode fast through the dusty lanes as we were headed back to his home. He turned his head enough towards me , so that he could be heard clearly, 

the plan is simple boy. For the next two years, main sirf fuddi maarni aa !’ ( the plan is simple. For the next two years, I will just hit as many pussies as I can ! )

I remember thinking about what Sandy had said before I slept that night. Here I was, with my over calculating, over worrying mind over-thinking about my career plans and everything else about my life .And I was only 20. And then there was Sandeep. A 30 year old married man, with a 5 year old son who was only going to fuck as many women as possible for the next two years. I had to give him full marks for his clarity of thought!   

And he had referred to sex as ‘hitting the pussy’ . It occurred to me that night that, while all this meaningless sex wasn’t obviously about love, it wasn’t about satisfying a sexual urge either. It surely had something to do with masking some sort of hidden inferiority complex. The more pussies you hit, the better a man you are. It had to do with some twisted definition of being a male in his mind.

For the next one month, I would accompany Sandeep to his various sex destinations. A short married woman working in a gift shop; a young employee working in Travel Company, a hospital nurse and many more. He ensured he never ran out of Condoms, Viagra and cheap adult magazines. I would wait outside in his car or sit on the scooter as he would ‘hit the pussy’ and return in about half an hour. His target was 5 women a day, but he would often reach three or four on good days. 

One afternoon, when Sandeep returned from ‘hitting the pussy’ of the girl working in a travel company , he just couldn’t stop giggling . When I enquired , he told me with a lot of pride in his eyes that the girl had refused sex  as her office cabin was occupied by the others,  so he ‘hit her pussy’ in the very tiny bathroom of the office . Short on time and space, he used a small blade to cut open her Salwar ( loose pants that most women in India wear to go with a long knee length shirt ) from between her legs to fuck her. He said he felt like a Lion who never lets go of its prey. 

On Valentine’s day , the ‘married woman from the gift shop’ gifted Sandeep a small box which had a silly, cotton made heart along with a perfume bottle. As he sat at the wheel of the car, he had tossed the box at the back seat of the car, mouthing choosiest of expletives after he had smelled the hideous perfume. 

Later in the evening, at the traditional dance function at my Sister’s wedding, Sandeep gave the box to his wife during a round of couple’s dance. 

As Sandeep’s wife saw her husband sitting on a knee, giving her a Valentine’s gift, she couldn’t stop smiling. It was the second occasion when i saw tears in her eyes.

When she opened the box and smelled the bottle, she pretended to have loved the perfume!

Everyone clapped and for the rest of the evening she couldn’t take her eyes off of her charismatic and romantic husband. 

I could see, she had that look on her face. The look, when a woman wants her man to passionately ‘hit her pussy’.

Harpal Mahal is the author of the comedy novel, I Know What Women Want, published with Srishti Publishers. He has authored  two Audio books, Detective Giri and Kaali Raat for StoryTel India. For the same house he  has written two Audio singles, Beimaan Raat and Oh Karishma!
Apart from writing books he has written Screenplay and Dialogues for various short films released on digital platforms.